I admit that I am stubborn when it comes to forgiveness. If I don’t trust an individual I need to forgive it is unlikely I will bring myself to actually forgive them. I think it has something to do with the fact that I know a relationship lacks trust, those are the relationships I feel I should spend the least amount of time and effort trying to maintain. Sometimes this can be counterproductive.
Trust is not something that requires us to forget the failures or wrongs done to us. Trust is shaped by taking into account the predictable behaviors and expectations of what that person has done in the past, and comparing it with what they will do in the future. If someone has a history of being untrustworthy, it would be ridiculous to think the person would start being trustworthy out of the blue. At the same time, this expected behavior is not always set in stone so why let it inhibit the relationship?
It is this expectation where we know the person is untrustworthy and judge them firstly by that perception that ruins our future development of a positive relationship. It is only the forgiveness dealt today that will enable us to repair and build trust with those we already expect to be a certain way. Forgive now so you can build trust later. Otherwise, you can’t hope to build trust at all with someone you cannot forgive.